. This is a light hearted blog, not much of a personal one. However criticisms, praises and hot stuffs out there are most welcomed.
. Please tell me if any of you guys want to link up(union).
Ah, i am finally able to lie on my belly and use the lappy after a 4 day hiatus. Can't believe that i am a computer addict myself. My nose became runny and i shivered quite abit during this period. Contemplated admitting to a halfway house as the pain was unbearable but changed my mind in the end. Glad the cold turkeys' over.
Anyways, the trip to Malaysia with my family is more of a weight gain program. Went to KL then to Genting (ghen-tink) or Jenting (jhen-tink) Highlands as some of you pronounce it as, and all i did was chomp and more chomping. I could have sworn i gained another 5kg but i cant cause my mom says we cannot swear.
Here are some snaps for viewing pleasure;
Thats my handsome elder brother.
Scenery from my hotel window.
Cheeky clouds creeping into my window.
Oops! why the fcuk is there a semi nude chicken. Please try to ignore this. Gahahaha sorry.
Okay, before i forget, i would like to share a comical video. This was what happened; my friends and i had an intense battle of the Big Two (taiti), and the loser had to draw a forfeit randomly from a suggestion box. Turns out that a 17 year boy called Ricky lost and had to act drunk as asked by the forfeit. Ricky was sporting enough to take on the role therefore don't be surprised if his acting looks too convincing. Listen to the conversation intently, Lolol. This video is not related to anybody, any similarities is purely coincidental. Unfortunately the mode of converse is in Malay. Will put up subtitles as soon as i know how. Disclaimer: The video is quite long, roughly 10 mins, omg.
Last but not least, as promised, i will be listing 2 out of the top 10 or 20 jokes for now, which i think deserves the award of "this joke is so lame that even Ripley's don't believe it". Here goes; 1. Ediet: "Dude, pass the sacks of potatoes to me" Moeron: "Hey, you said sex!" Ediet: "No i didnt, i said sacks" Moeron: "Yes you did! and you said it again!" Ediet: "No i didnt, i said sacks".. The argument lasted forever and they died peacefully soon after.
Author's Comments: This is what you call oral sacks....
2. On a scouts campfires' night, during a joke sharing session A boy suddenly stood up and told this joke "Everybody listen up.." Before he was able to continue, everyone burst into fits of laughter. Why? Clue: He went to the washroom before this session.
Ans: Somewhere around this page, Lolol.
Author's Comments: Hmm, this joke is quite good actually....
Your birthday's coming soon right?.. Don't lie, i know its on the 1st of January;)
Sorry Miss Earth, but i am going to type about a cancer topic related to you.
Yes, yes. SMOKING (in Singapore)!!!!
Sorry again for those who are anti-smokers and green earth people, but fcuk you anyways.
I am writing this just to express my opinion. I don't smoke.
Recently i found out about the recent "mini" hike in price of cigarettes by the government. & to add salt and spices to an open wound, a ban in other supposed places which could affect non smokers in close proximity. Eg Lift entrances, Playground, car parks, non air con shopping centres and shops. Maybe by the year 2020, the only places allowed would be your own house toilet and storeroom. And maybe a fine if you are caught smoking in the dining room. Now, I put the inverted comas in mini because in actual fact the increase in price has not been mini at all. It has been massive as these 'minis' have been amounting throughout these years.
I can still recall roughly about 6 years ago when a pack costs $5 each? But what-the-fondling, they cost a dozen bucks now. So now in primary school teachers will be able to teach the kids there what a dozen is without the example of no. of eggs in the basket; they could use the price of ciggs as an example now. -_-
However i believe that the increase in price of ciggs will not stop like a rammed ball rolling into a pile of mud. This is because of the various anti-smoking campaigns aimed at reducing the number of smokers. Please babes, honestly i think that the increase in price are just an excuse to fill the already fat wallets.(am i allowed to say this? pls notify, don't sue me)
I myself, an adolescent has seen many of my peers not deterred by the shocking price. Most of them will just juggle between part-time and studies to earn the extra cash. I agree, smoking is a habit. But won't you go all out to do the things you like? Take an example such as a good bar of chocolate; If the price of chocolates go up, would these chocolate lovers stop buying them? I dare say no.
Only the major difference between the two stated is that cigarettes are frowned upon by society(usually non-smokers) as smelly, unhealthy and affects other non-smokers health. They feel we are selfish. But, taking away the right to smoke, who is the selfish one now? This world does not belong to anyone. We need to have that mindset. Don't segregate, compromise. However if i were to talk about drugs, it would be a totally different topic to debate.
Note: I won't argue that the negative points far outweighs the positive of cigarettes. However its legal, why complain. Smokers in Singapore are here to stay and until God knows when & we have to learn to live with it.
Anyone seen a Nigerian boy/Naija boy running barefooted around Singapore and Indonesia please contact me asap at 6777-3777. Don't forget to ask for an upsize at only 50 cents extra.
He is 1.7m tall, fit, dark tanned, has a large afro, cute; i must say and was last seen wearing an unknown purple school t-shirt.
Beware!: He likes to chase skirts and has horse stamina. We also want to advise you people to put used plates and utensils back to the trays provided.
Please do not confront him if found. He knows "black" voodoo magic.
We miss him dearly.
This picture was taken in his hometown of Abuja, Capital of Nigeria.
Anyways, I know its been only 3 days since i last scribbled something on this online foolscap. However, i would like to give some.............
Updates;
Okay, I am currently compiling a list of the top 10 or 20 jokes, which i think deserves the award of "this joke is so lame that even Ripley's don't believe it". Be sure not to miss that one. Cause ima delete it right after i post it. So be quick yeah.
Another topic which i really want to share with is body slimming. I will be revealing to you oxygen hogging mammals the secrets. Yah mannn. However it will take roughly a year more as i am still in the process of trial and error. So, do check back a year later, 14 Dec 2009, so as not to miss it.
& Holler to the peepz at Zouk out! Don't forget to pick your litter after littering the place yah.
That's all for today forks/spoons.
"Don't drink and drive, you smokin' fly. A-town peace out!" - Confuciuon
Welcome back to iareyourfather but youareigrandfather.
Okay, firstly today is Wednesday, tomorrow is Thursday, yesterday was Tuesday, next week is Holiday. ..Just for your info if you have lost track of time -_-
Now, i am going to write a narrative about the unforgettable fishing trip i never had. Names used in this story is purely not coincidental. But its up to you readers to decide. This story is best read in the dark, to set the mood and turn off the default spongebob music, play an eerie music instead.
I present to you, iareyourfatheryouareigrandfather's believe it or not, fact or fiction? *believe it or not!*(echo Ripley style)
Alright, the very thought of this incident still causes my pants to drip heavily, with sweat. I am right now lying down on my bed using the laptop and i can see from the corner of my eye Lucifer floating on my left shoulder and Gabriel on my right. I can literally feel Lucifer breathing down my neck, and it gives me a steamy sensation. I don't know why. Gabriel on the other hand is busy playing poker with his bestfriend Raphael. However I pray that Lucifer will not curse me for retelling this story. I am putting my life on the line just by posting this and my lifespan is shorten by a year for every alphabet typed, even if i press backspace to correct an error. So sit back and relax. I hope this will be a life lesson to all. I love you.
Once upon a time,
There was a boy, skin as pale as the moonlight, silky hair with extensions tied into dreadlocks, face as pure as mushroom soup, countenance as charming as the handsome young prince of Narnia. This boy, (let's just name him "Me" for easy reference) set off from his HDB flat with a fishing pole in his hand to go fishing near the waters of pasir ris (pasir ris park). He was determined to catch the legendary sea chicken which has been rumored for the past century to give you infinite chicken's eggs if ever captured. It has been said that each eggs cost 50 cents, 20 cents more than the regular chicken egg. This has spurred many foolish but brave ones to their doom.
Many young hopefuls had vanished in the past trying to seek that legend. Me, however was confident of himself since he was so charming. He chuckled to himself, thinking about his charmingness.
All of a sudden, he saw bread crumbs leading a trail on the ground. Me went astray of his destination as he pick up the bread crumbs on the ground with his mouth to eat and sub consciously followed the trail.
Me reached a swamp in an unfamiliar location, which is now known as "Sungai api-api" or, "Fire-fire help me River" in English. Me did not notice the sign board directly in front of him which says "Beware, swamp is haunted, good luck!". By now, the area around the swamp was getting wild. Gusts of wind swept Me's face and faint, eerie baby cries could be heard. Carrion swarms could be seen circling a baphomet in the distance. The baphomet was wreaking havoc in the skies but Me was busy swatting mosquitoes trying to feast on him, paying no attention to the baphomet. The baphomet disappeared after destroying the moon.
Later came the distinctive smell of frangipani which overpowered Me's Boss perfume. Me was jealous that his expensive perfume could be defeated. Then, purple lights flashed briefly among the treetops forcing him to glanced upwards to which he saw a white silhoutte among the tree branches above him. A candy-like figure was hopping around a cute and mysterious lady in white staring at him. "How cute, mother and son" he thought. As they flew away silently, Me waved at them to bid farewell. Nothing could make Me falter and not long after, the disturbances stopped, as though the "ghosts" had given up.
When everything seems to have settled, Me decided to cast his fishing rod into the swamp, and decided to wait until the little bell on the rod rings, signaling a catch. However the bell never rang and he waited there for 80 years until he died peacefully of old age.
This will be my 3rd post of the 3rd day of this blog.
I was studying for about 5 mins awhile ago when my fingers suddenly felt itchy to write this post.
Okay, this post is going to be dedicated to Musa Bin Jaapar Bin Grandfather. He's a 3 legged guy, and his third is short, but that's okay. This is dedicated to him because it is related to my topic - weight gain.
I am not a qualified trainer but i managed to gain 20kg, up from 65kg two years ago, to 85kg currently. Therefore i would like to reveal this free and tested secrets done by me before i decide to copyright this legendary methods. This is a true story.
Just to make this clear, this guy is very thin that you can pick him up to floss your teeth after eating dinner. That's how thin he is.
(Musa, in an intimate position. Not suitable for minors.)
So hopefully this post will inspire people like him ( i think he is the only one lol) to gain weight or die.
For those not keen on gaining weight, you can still read this post for general information.
The Secret Techniques Of Weight Gain:
For breakfast, eat cereals..? hell no! How about chicken rice or mutton cakes (murtabak) for breakfast. If you do not feel full yet, have another serving or two.
For lunch, replenish your bodily fluids with coke or iced milo followed by a plate of fried noodles. Ensure that the word "mineral water or plain water etc" is deleted from your vocabulary. When you hear people say that taboo word, act dumb and run for your life. This is because that thing will disrupt the process of this legendary technique. Then, let your food settle down in your tummy before having a smoke nearby, make sure you do it somewhere legal and not let your mom sees you smoke if you are under 18. Repeat step 2 every hour until dinner.
For dinner, on the way home when your mom asks you whether you had lunch, use this trick - pretend that you forgot your money to bring to school and throw a tantrum signaling that you are starving. This way she would definitely prepare for you larger portions for dinner. How cool is that??
For supper, make sure you eat a plate of rice or any carbohydrates and immediately go to sleep after the meal. This is to ensure no carbo from your intense and intimate supper is burned.
Last and final technique, ta-dah! Exercise! But doesnt exercise burn your fats? Ans: No! Make sure to exercise those jaw muscles every minute. Ensure that you are munching on chips or a high in cholesterol chocolate bar. This way you can eat and at the same time reassure yourself that you have already exercised to strengthen your immunity system.
So kids, spread the love. Tell your friends about this. No more protein shake and weight gain sessions. Be independent and be equipped with D.I.Y yourself skills.
As the saying goes, "a bulky man, is a confident man!".
I just woke up from my beauty and sexy sleep. Now i am going to write a topic which has been bugging me for the past 18 years of my life - Education.
Since young i have been brainwashed by the upper authorities regarding the importance of high education, or meritocracy, in Singapore. But education, is it really that important?
Firstly, i think that i am a messed up person. I like to read anything and everything. Just throw me a random book or article, i will definitely kick it back at your face.. I mean i will read it. On one condition that i don't find out its a school textbook. The thought of it, just send shivers down my spine, my body becomes weak, my head starts spinning, mouth turns coarse and dry, hands start slapping people etc. You get what i mean.
Frankly speaking, what are you able to achieve by going to pri to sec to jc/poly to ns(girls may ignore this option) to uni. Are you able to fly with your hair flapping or shoot fireballs from your mouth or even knock your head on the wall with your seasoned head without any injury? Maybe there are, but its not the majority. But i am sure they would feel accomplished in life, which is good.
However,do these people suffer or enjoy going through these education processes i wonder. Ive read somewhere that people living in the mountains such as in Tibet have a higher appreciation of life- milking cows, chasing dragons and battling ancient ninjas. This might be due to the slow pace of life compared to the hectic lifestyle of the urban civilization. Eg. Singapore
I am sure many people out there have been harbouring thoughts of quitting school or scraping off education from their schedule. I know i have, and still am. This might be due to the blinding of reality with the simple pleasures in life such as playing computers games to going out everyday with friends playing catching. These are times when you wish time would just stop. Until the dreaded Monday arrives when you have to report to school that an invisible bitch, bitch slaps you back to reality. Projects, assignments, exams. Burden burden. So how?
Some people who take the option to fail or when it is just pure unluckyness tend to compare their results with other humans alike. For example Boy A, "Eh how much you got for your ****?" Boy B, "Siala i got everything F except for.. err for.. CCA and er.. recess" Boy A, "What.. the.. farque!! Are you serious! Same la ci(bai)wawa!!" Boy B, "Eh then lets go open chalet! or holiday! woohoo!"
..dumb. they forgot that they already in the last day of holiday when they met coincidentally somewhere.
This is a fictional story not related to anybody.
Ok2 this post is wayyyy too long, so I'll just add abit more. So people, i feel that you should believe in whats best for you, i know that i want to make it to the uni. It is ironic for me to talk about study as i have done minimal study (about 5% complete) and my exams are next Tuesday. What only want to get into uni and shizz. hahaha
this is my first post, so i'll try to make it short and sweet.
the reason why i created a blog is not cause i am bored (i have tons of assignments and stuff to do), not because its a trend (is it?) and not because its girly (wtf)..
the reason why i made a blog is.. ah.. erm.. i am not sure. you ask me, i ask who? -_-
anyways, i will try to use the english language as proper as possible, cos i want to improve my english and also i might have international fans.. lol -_-
ok to make things short, like, very short, not a long entry but a short one and i would like to state that this blog is not a much of a personal blog. i will try to give an update on current issues and stuff. however(warning!) i may squeeze in details about my life from time to time. so, we can discuss about anything and everything in future through chatbox or phone(2nd option only for girls).
lets cut to the chase, this blog will be alive until its not breathing. and, surprise-surprise!, VULGARITIES allowed! woohoo lets PARTY! open CHALET!!!.
..
butt, not too much cos there might be bloghoppers or hiphoppers or grasshoppers who are minors(under 18).. i wont say who for example Matin(17 years old, c*llege east, pasir r*s, bl*ck 25*).
note- * symbols censor to protect identity of minor
okok lets get straight to the point, i will try to update this blog at least once a week, if not twice a day.
actually i got tons more to say, but anyways lets stop here as i only want to make this a small entry.
Thats my handsome elder brother.
Scenery from my hotel window.
Cheeky clouds creeping into my window.
Oops! why the fcuk is there a semi nude chicken. Please try to ignore this. Gahahaha sorry.
This picture was taken in his hometown of Abuja, Capital of Nigeria.
(Musa, in an intimate position. Not suitable for minors.)